Five Low self esteem signs and how to fix them
I would like to share with you my personal experiences about some low self esteem symptoms and how to fix them.
1- Blaming others: Stop complaining
This is usually known as complaining. I used to complain a lot in the past. Of course, my misfortune was always everybody else’s fault.
I found out that this kind of behavior is a symptom of low self esteem, because in blaming others I did not assume responsibility. But by not assuming responsibility, I became a victim of my circumstances.
How did I change this low self esteem sign?. When I became aware of this behavior, I took the decision not to blame others anymore. Whenever I find myself blaming people or circumstances, I stop and I say to myself: “It is time to take responsibility”, and I take action.
2 – Denial:
This is my “favorite” one; I lived many years on denial. I used to minimize problems, forgetting events. I did not want to feel the pain. Despite the evidence, my tendency was to insist that anything bad or that I did wrong was not true. For example, when my father died, it was around 11:00 pm and I called one of my best friends. I told her that I needed to do some shopping and kept talking about trivial issues. She knew me very well, and I after I finished my talking she said: I am sorry your father is gone. .This is a low self esteem sign.
How I changed this?. I took the decision to start taking the risk to feel my feelings. I realized that it is better feeling the pain once than it is to keep feeling it all the time without even knowing what’s happening within myself.
This is like having a toothache and avoiding going to the dentist to avoid the pain. So we take medication hoping that the pain will go away, until we cannot bury it anymore and we make the appointment–by which time we have even more expensive work that needs to be done .
3 – Unable to express our feelings:
Being unable to express our feelings is being unable to feel them; or, more precisely, we are suppressing them and trying to “go numb” to them. This is my favorite one too. I used to be unable to know what I was feeling.
For example, I felt anger and I did not know how to express it. Whenever somebody asked me: Are you angry? I smiled and I said: No, I am not angry. The truth is that I was confused about my feelings, and I felt afraid to express them. I did not understand that anger could be a healthy feeling. I always thought it was bad so I repressed it. This is a low self esteem sign.
How did I overcome this?. I decided to be brave and start to express my feelings . I learn how to be more assertive . For example, my husband is always late, and I am punctual. So, every time we go out, I am ready. He is always doing things at the last minute and this makes me really angry. I used to smile and said nothing . I didn’t want to ruin the day. Instead of doing this one day I told him : I am really uncomfortable when we have to go out and you are never ready and we are late.
Just being able to express myself in this way had helped me a lot in not repressing my anger anymore.
4 – Depending on others for self-acceptance:
I used to depend on others to accept myself; I thought, “If you like me, I am ok. If you accept me, I will accept myself,” always waiting for a sign of approval so that I could feel good about myself. But when I didn’t get it I was driven nuts.
How I changed this? Well, I become aware that people have different points of view, that sometimes they project in us their frustrations and that if somebody really loves me s/he will take me the way I am. I felt relief, just being conscious that we cannot please everyone and giving myself permission to be myself. It helped me accept myself not worrying about others’ opinions.
This is like when you get your hair done, and then meet people and you are waiting for somebody to praise you. If you meet a friend, let’s say, and she says, what have you done with your hair! I liked it the way it was before! You start to feel uncomfortable, and doubt your own stylistic tastes. If you accept yourself and you are not waiting for other people’s acceptance, you will be comfortable no matter what others say.
# 5 – Low self esteem symptom Lack personal boundaries:
I did not know how to draw a line between my problems and other’s problems. I let people to be invasive. This behavior is linked with no knowing how to say no. I used to be so mixed up, that when I meet somebody with a problem, I internalized as mine. For example. I remembered once I meet a new person. He started to ask too many personal questions. Even though I felt uncomfortable I answered them .This is a sign of low self esteem.
How did I change this?. Well this experience occurred to me again. Because I was determined to set boundaries with other people, I could handle this in a different way. I just told her that I was not comfortable answering personal questions. I did not answered them. The good thing is that this person understood my request and we had an excellent relationship. Setting boundaries is really important. We can still help other people, be nice to them but there is a place inside of us that we have to respect and do not have fear of rejection.
Real Self-Esteem is a conditioning program designed to condition 22 core mental patterns that make up our experience of life.